Anything For A Story

For awhile, the chic parent-concern was the negative influence of Harry Potter on children. Particularly the glamorization of witches, wizards and other sorcery stuffs. But I’ve found another, possibly more disturbing side effect of Potter-love that evidenced itself in my 10 year old niece, who took the time to sit down and interview Miyagi-san . . . as Rita Skeeter.

For those of you not in the know, here’s a summary of Rita Skeeter’s profile via the wisdom of Wikipedia: Rita Skeeter is a reporter for the Daily Prophet and a correspondent for the Witch Weekly, who specializes in yellow journalism, for which she is armed with such magical devices as the Quick-Quotes Quill. Rita is an unregistered Animagus, capable of transforming into a beetle to spy on unsuspecting victims for her stories. As a reporter who fabricates information in order to write an appealing story, she is an antagonist to Harry and his friends throughout Goblet of Fire, and brief but reluctant ally in Order of the Phoenix.

Note in particular the phrase “fabricates information in order to write an appealing story”

INT. FAMILY ROOM -DAY

In a sparsely furnished family room JANAY and MIYAGI sit watching the last minutes of FIEVEL GOES WEST. Enter RITA SKEETER, a ten year old would-be journalist, looking for her next story for the family newsletter and touting her grandparents’ digital camera. Rita stands in the shadows, casually lifting the camera and snapping pictures slyly as if catching the lovers in flagrante. After several shots Rita frowns, lowering the camera and saying:

RITA SKEETER
You look really weird in these pictures.

MIYAGI
Sorry for being a weird looking guy.

Plopping herself down in the chair opposite him, Rita pulls out a pen and paper and beings her assault on her newest victim.

RITA SKEETER
So, can I ask you a few questions? Good. What is your favorite color?

MIYAGI
Um, blue.

RITA SKEETER

Ok, what is your favorite movie?

MIYAGI

Umm, I don’t know. I like a lot of movies.

RITA SKEETER

Well, what’s your favorite book? What about music? What do you LOOOOOVE?

Miyagi laughs nervously and looks to Janay for help. But Janay is as surprised as he is, and secretly envious of her niece’s ability to ask the tough questions. Hoping for an entertaining answer, Janay just shrugs and watches him squirm.

RITA SKEETER

Ok, so how long have the two of you been together?

More nervous laugher and “oh, kids these days” looks.

MIYAGI

Uh, just over a month.

RITA SKEETER

And do you meet often?

MIYAGI

Meet? Well, we see each other most days . . .

RITA SKEETER

Ok “Glued at the hip”

In an effort to shift the focus Miyagi-san makes a comment about James Horner, the musical composer in Fievel Goes West. Janay revels in the glory of a boyfriend who appreciates the intricacies and subtle humor of such a classic movie.

RITA SKEETER
James Horner, huh? “Is really interested in actresses.”

MIYAGI
Well, James Horner isn’t an actor. He composed the music.

RITA SKEETER

Oh, ok. “Is really interested in composers.”

MIYAGI

Not really, I was just interested that it was James Horner.

RITA SKEETER

“Really loves James Horner.”

MIYAGI

I don’t really care about James Horner it was just interesting . . .

RITA SKEETER

“Is completely indifferent to James Horner.”

MIYAGI

Well I wouldn’t say that . . .

RITA SKEETER

Ok. I think we’ve got our piece.

I’d kind of figured that this was the end of it. That after putting Miyagi through the ringer, my nieces would be done for the day. But, not to be out done by her sister, mini-Rita waited until that night when Miyagi got off the phone to ask, “Was that your other girlfriend? How would Janay feel if you had another girlfriend?”

The family newsletter seems to be quickly becoming the family tabloid. And sales have never been higher.