The Jig Is Up

Upon reading my recent blog about my general incompetence as a human, I was overwhelmed by the amount of remarks I got from friends and family, kindly reminding my that I had neglected to include some very key experiences. Now, lest I deceive you into thinking that I am more competent than my initial analysis claims, I have obligingly decided to include these additional proofs of my stupidity. Why? Because I'm just that smart.

*Courtesy of Nicole*
When I came home one night I noticed a grasshopper the size of a Buick resting comfortably on my from door. Well, I decided, this measly invertebrate would not best me! So I causally swatted the beast away with the back of my hand. What I didn't know was that Mr. Jiminy Cricket was not going down so easily. Without warning he leapt from the door and dive-bombed my head with the speed and accuracy of a . . . well, of a grasshopper I suppose.

Not to be out done, I also whipped into action and dodged in the only direction I could (my Matrix move is woefully under-practiced, so I had no choice but to bend forward). Unfortunately the bug had cornered me, and my rash decision to dodge resulted in me scraping my head along the brick surface of my building as the bug flittered away smugly into the night. Besides my hurt ego that I had to nurse for days, I also had perfectly parallel scratch marks on my forehead as a constant reminder of my encounter.

Upon reflection I can only assume that the cricket was exacting revenge on me for all those little grasshoppers I used to put in jars with bits of grass when I was little. Next time I'll be sure to add a twig.

PS If you can think of any other memories I might have repressed that would befit another blog entry on the subject, please don't hesitate to remind me . . . I have complete faith in your ability to do so.