For The Love Of Beef

I'm aware that I have an unusual taste in guys. My friends have never understood why I didn't join in their reveling over Brad Pitt until they learned that it was because I would rather watch Rick Moranis. When I dreamt that Johnny Depp and Phil Hartman were both hitting on me, I was really excited about Phil Hartman. And do I really need to mention that my first celebrity crush was on Steve Gutenberg? (And not even the Goot from Police Academy. It was the Goot from Three Men and A Baby. I KNOW.)

I'm aware that by posting this I'm setting myself up for severe ridicule. But I have no fear. Why? Because I love Shia LaBeouf and I'm proud to say it. I've loved him since he was the awkward tween-ager in Even Stevens, and now that he's officially old enough to drink I'm formulating my plans to get him hammered so I can put him in my lunch box and trade him with my friends. (That's right Haras. I used your line in reference to Shia, so DEAL.) Currently there are THREE movies in the theaters boasting Shia's name on the marquee:

Transformers

Disturbia

and Surf's Up.

For my money it's all about Disturbia. Although he's amazing, the sterile CGI of Transformers kind of turned me off, and even with his cute voice, seeing him in penguin form isn't quite the same.

I know that not everyone will truly comprehend how hot Shia has gotten. Case and point my conversation with Ylime after seeing Disturbia the first time. (That's right! Three times in one week.)

Me: He is just SO cute I can't even handle it!
Ylime: Yeah. He's pretty cute I guess. But he has kind of a big nose . . . (trails off not wanting to crush my dreams with her insightful revelation.)
Me: I KNOW! That's why he's so cute! It just makes me love him even more!
Ylime: Hmmmm. That would make me love him less . . .

So for those of you unfamiliar with his history, (aren't you ashamed!) let's take a trip into the past, and explore the beginnings of who is, without question, my current celebrity crush . . . for this month at least.

After proving himself in Even Stevens, the Disney Chanel decided to give Shia another leg up and put him in the starring role in Holes. It was a proud day for us all. The white-fro was endearing as could be, and watching him teach Zero to read? Kill me now.











Despite Keanu's bad coughing fits (Constantine), and Will's BA-attitude (I Robot), Shia rose to the admirable role of side-kick in both flicks, and made us all wish that we were a fallen angel, or a rouge cop against an army of robots just so we could have witty banter with Shia.






Next came The Greatest Game Ever Played. As far as sports drama's go you wouldn't expect golf to hold your attention much. And what guy WOULDN'T look cute in traditional 1913 fashion. One word: knickers.




Now even though I've only seen bits and Pieces of A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints, the promise of an angst-filled, continually sweaty, school-uniform wearing Shia is enough to make me (insert sexual euphemism here). And his shoulders. HIS SHOULDERS!

"Still, what can’t this talented actor do? He’s able to project innocence that changes to anger in the blink of an eye; he can break our hearts with looks of longing or despair; and his amusing physicality in comic scenes is most impressive. I can’t wait to see what he’s like in five or ten years. Watch your backs, Johnny Depp and Tom Hanks. "

Need I say more?